Conservative Cabal

Results of the Happiness Index touted in mainstream media yesterday reveal that “the world is getting happier”. And what, pray tell, is the “surprising” cause of this happiness?

Economic choice, democracy, and increasing respect for human rights in countries around the world. Excellent news! And answers that no conservative would find surprising. It would be unbecoming of us to take credit, naturally, but who has been promoting these very things, to the disgust of certain intellectuals?  Stop, you’re making us blush.

Meanwhile, baby boomers are miserable.

Boomers also say it’s harder to get ahead now than it was 10 years ago. The reality may be a bit different than impressions, however. The Boomers were found to be less strained financially then younger adults and less likely to have been laid off in the past year. But they were also less likely than younger adults to have gotten a raise.

Asked to rate their present life on a scale of zero to 10, Boomers came in with an average rating of 6.2. Those over 62 averaged out at 6.7, and adults aged 18 to 41 came in at 6.5.

You’re bringing us down, man, and for no reason whatsoever.  You gave us -what - the 60s, anti-war chic, a love of murderous thugs like Che and Fidel, and all you’ve done is complain that you aren’t given enough.

This is, sadly, equally unsurprising. Spoiled adults, like spoiled children, are often unhappy.  They were ever the victims of prosperity and peace.

But at least the rest of the world is moving on for real!